I didn't even know I knew who she was until she was senselessly shot down at her concert in Orlando.
Christina Grimmie collaborated on one of my favorite Dove Cameron songs. What a Girl Is has touched me so deeply. I've always had a very bad relationship with food. It didn't have anything to do with my body at first. I've just always had this mindset that I shouldn't have food unless I deserve it. I started having issues with the way I view my body after a devastating thing happened to me in 2011. I still remember the first time I looked in the mirror and thought, "They're crazy. I am not beautiful." I still have issues with that sometimes (especially since my body always so sick), but I listen to What a Girl Is, and I remember, I am not just my body.
But my heart has been devastated for the past 36 hours (and especially now after hearing about the mass shooting at the club in Orlando, seven minutes away from where Christina was shot). This young girl shouldn't have died. There was no reason for a girl, not two years younger than I am, to die living out all of her dreams. She was so beautiful. She was so happy. Christina was an angel.
And I cannot lie when I tell you that her death has caused me to think a lot.
And to reevaluate my life.
At the beginning of this year, the one thing I told myself was that I had to be picked up for publishing before 2017. But as most New Year's Resolutions go, I kind of... stopped thinking on it. But events over this past month, poor Christina's death included, have fueled that fire back into me. I AM going to be picked up for publishing by the end of the year. You can be certain of that. I already have two different boutiques for the independent author looking toward me. I CAN do it. I believe in me.
And I would just like to thank Christina for making me believe in myself again. I think, up there in Heaven, she can somehow see that.
(This post was accidentally removed, hence the new publish date. I am very sorry to Christina's memory for this.)